Beretta Blog

If our guns could talk...

Posted by Phil McNaughton on Mar 1, 2013 9:38:00 AM

A few things our guns might say if they could talk:

I don’t care what your buddies said about that gun.  You do not need to get your hands on her to see how she shoots.

I am not going to fit into that holster.  How long have we been together, and you still don't know what size I am?

No, that's ok, I don't need any attention.  I'll just keep working no matter dirty or tired I am, because you need me to.  It's ok.  Really.  Don't worry about little ole me.

Those are most certainly aftermarket accessories.  She didn't leave the factory with those sights.

I’m trying to watch what I eat.  Could I maybe have some of the top shelf ammo once in a while?

Let’s see if her finish is that nice after being in your holster for 10 years. 

Who taught you how to lubricate?  Oil doesn’t go there.

Are you ever going to clean out this range bag?  It stinks in here. 

You're obviously lost, so be a real man and ask directions.  The match starts in 20 minutes and I don't want to be late. 

Oh, the match is over?  No, I don’t mind if you go hang out with your shooting buddies.   I’ll just sit here patiently waiting for you, in this filthy range bag.

How would you like to spend the day stuffed in your pants?

I know you would like to play with two of us at the same time, but that only works in the movies.


Her action won't be that smooth after 20 years and 300,000 rounds.

These scratches will not buff out and the finish is wearing off my frame.  Sigh.  Will you still love me when I’m old?

What do you mean I could use a new set of "springs?"  What exactly is wrong with the ones I have? 

It’s no big deal to let other people squeeze my trigger.  I’ll still come home with you.

You're very good with me dear, but some projects might be beyond your abilities.  Why don't you just call the gunsmith?

Every time you time you miss a shot, I laugh a little.

I saw you looking at that other gun.  Am I not good enough for you?  What does she have that I don’t?

Do these grips make me look fat?

Behind every good shooter is a good gun. Don't you forget it Mister.

Maybe if you kept your eyes on my sights, you would hit the target.

I can smell that gun oil on you.  Where have you been?

Don’t blame me for the score sheet.  You were the one pulling the trigger.

I know you don't like commitment, but we would both be much happier if it was just the two of us.  What do you need those other guns for?

How was your day?  Mine was fine.  I just sat here in the safe waiting for you to pay some attention to me.

Yes dear, you are the best shooter I’ve ever had.

this is it

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